Thought Scraps: January 2013

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Goodbye to you my friend

December 2004. It was our Christmas party. One person was missing: Carmelle Garces, who was confined to the hospital due to her illness. As we were all preparing to go home, my classmate Tonio suddenly approached me and gave me a drawing. He told me it was from Carmelle. Immediately, tears sprung from my eyes.

I had been badgering her to give me a drawing even though she insisted many times that she can't draw. I still insisted because I wanted to have a remembrance from everybody and I told her that anyone can draw.

I cried because even in her condition, she was still very thoughtful and kept her promise to give me a drawing. And like a domino effect, my other classmates were crying with me until almost everyone in class was crying. We were crying because she had been absent from school for many days already and we were all worried because she had been battling this illness for quite some time.

She was one of my close friends in high school who would patiently listen to me. And everyone loved her because of her funny yet innocent remarks. She was often my seatmate during rearrangements because both our family names start with "G", and whenever I'm with her, I feel really comfortable and at ease. As I always think to my self, she is one of my favorite classmates.

January 2013. I received the news that she had already taken her eternal repose. It had been years since I last saw her. It now feels painful, awful, and sad. But I'm quite relieved that she doesn't have to continue the fight and suffer anymore.

As I look back on this drawing, I can't help but be glad that I badgered her in giving this to me. But even without this, she will remain in my heart and in my mind forever. I'm crying once more as I look at this drawing and writing this post which I am dedicating for her.

I'll miss her. I'll truly miss her. I wish I had replied more to her texts. But now, I pray for her soul to be happy there in heaven now. I hope God will take good care of her in heaven. I'm sure she will be a beautiful and funny angel there.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Bizarre Dream

Today, I had a very bizarre dream. It went along like this:

I was chasing someone and I got hit something big and solid. I fell to the ground. I tried to get up but I could no longer do it. Suddenly I am watching my family members and friends become sad about my death. I tried to touch them. Yes, I could touch them. But they could not see me, nor feel me. I tried talking to them, but they had no reaction. Suddenly I was hit by a sudden realization. I only lived for 24 years...and that is all of it. I watched sadly at my neighbors and friends while thinking that they still all have a chance to grow old and live for more than the 24 years I've lived. And the dream shifted to another one.

This dream left me a feeling of total sadness and at the same time, relief and happiness. I was happy because it was all just a dream and I am alive, yes really alive! I could touch and talk to my loved ones again. It made me feel sad and afraid because I thought my life ended just that. It felt incomplete. I lived almost all my life trying to work hard and even harder. But I didn't really live my life as it deserves to be lived. That's why I'm glad that I was given another day to grow old and experience life.

I truly regret the careless times I said "I want to die already" every time I feel life is too hard on me. I didn't even realize that I'm luckier than other people who are struggling to live another day. This dream was literally an eye-opener for me (and I'm glad it did!). I just hope that in this new year, I can gradually live my life, fulfill my purpose, serve others, achieve the dreams of my soul, travel to new places, give more love to my loved ones and most of all give thanks to God for each and every single day he blesses me with.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Thank you 2012

This past 2012 was filled with so much ruckus. I had been up, but most of the times I had been down. Well, emotionally anyway. I just hope this new year will bring me more cheer than I could expect so that I won't be able to say that this condition I'm having right now is already the default style intended for my life.

Anyway, here are a few trinkets I've been able to obtain this past year which brought me little smiles on my day.

Thank you Honey!