Sunday, November 22, 2015

I almost died at 3AM

I died. I was crying as I bid goodbye to my family. I hugged them as much as I could, then a lady took my hand and told me that we should go. I went with her. She took me to the entrance of a tunnel or a circular door with a white light inside. As I stepped in, everything around me was blank where occasional lights blinked here and there. Then we came to a reception area. I saw others who were waiting. A woman at her desk was calling out our names and listing names of living people whom we could visit. In this case, it was my mom. Then the date I died was also written - April 29 (Today is November 23, 2015 by the way). I thought that this was the same month where my beloved cat had died (April 19). I felt happy and excited because I might be able to see him again. I tried to blink to test if I was really dead. Yes, I was indeed dead. I wondered what mom would have felt knowing I died earlier than her. Did my sisters cry? I felt sad that I was only able to live 25 years of my life (I'm 27 by the way). As I was thinking about this, I woke up. I told my mom about my dream. She shrugged it off but I could see from her face that she was worried. I woke up a second time around. It was a double dream. I looked all around me. Oh my God, I'm still alive. I could never thank God enough that I was able to open my eyes, wake up, and be alive again. I'm still wrapping my head about what this could mean, but this really made me feel really pensive today.

PS: The last time I had this kind of dream, one of my classmates in high school died a few days later.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

A Little Pig's Cry

Mom, I don't want to die.
I want to see this beautiful world.
I'm only a few years old.
But they are planning to take my life soon.

Mom I don't want to die.
But they took me away,
To a dark room along with our own kind.
We are all scared, Mom.

Mom, I don't want to die.
Where are you? Help me.
I don't see them coming back anymore.
I only hear a cry from afar.

Mom, I don't want to die.
But it's already my turn.
I am going to miss you.
Please remember me always.

Mom I don't want to die.
They stabbed my stomach.
They slit my throat.
I cried as loudly as I could.

Mom I don't want to die.
I squealed in pain,
As I see my own blood flowing out of me.
The world around me is getting dark.

Mom, I don't want to die.
But they didn't understand me.
They only laughed as they talked about me.
But their voices are fading now.

Mom, I don't want to die.
But God is calling me now.
He said it wasn't my time yet.
But He still welcomes me.

Mom, I didn't want to die.
Don't let this happen to my siblings.
Don't let them die for the wicked beings.
They deserve to live.

Mom, I didn't want to die.
But I already am.

Note: My writing prompts come at the most unusual times and at the oddest places. This one was inspired when I was riding a jeepney on the way home and I heard a  pig's squeal/scream along the highway. It was a distressful cry that it made me impulsively compose in my mind because I had no pen and paper in hand. When it was safer, I decided to get my phone and write the whole thing until I reached home.


Sunday, July 7, 2013

Cosplay plans

I'm not really a cosplayer but I do want to try cosplaying someday since I am an anime fan. Here are my current list of characters that I'd like to cosplay:

Biscuit Krueger


Kagome


Asuna

  
Silica

Neferpitou












Wednesday, May 8, 2013

About Me

I am Rowena. I won't be posting any slumbook-type facts here. Instead I will tell you the less tangible side of me.

I am me. I like simple things such as the following:

  • rainy nights
  • warm soup
  • bubbles
  • silent dawns
  • cats
  • sincere smiles from passers-by
  • rhythm
  • old letters from friends
  • nature
  • taking pictures of rare moments, taking pictures of things that are important to me, taking pictures of the beauty of the world
  • cartoons
  • seafood
  • sea breeze
  • writing random thoughts
  • daydreaming
  • sharing wisdom
  • dancing
  • feeling the wind on my face
  • clouds/cloudy days
  • rainbow
  • stars
  • games, puzzles
  • laughter
  • true friends
  • true love
  • colors
  • flowers
  • ice cream, chocolate, cakes
Tuesdays are crappy days for me, while Thursdays are bliss.

According to the movie/book "Eat, Pray, Love", there is a word for everything and everyone. I have pondered long and hard about my word, and have found out that my word is "freedom". My spirit longs to be free. Since I was young, I had been my own prisoner. But now, I'm starting to unleash my wings in search for that freedom. In contrast, the word I despise the most is "desperation". Desperation causes people to do a lot of things they don't normally do - seek death, pursue violence, betray others, and so many other things.

I am constantly in awe of people who are living their destiny, who have fallen in love with their craft, and who have followed their passion. But what amazes me about these people is that by doing the things that they love, they somehow ingest a part of that enthusiasm within me. They are contagious! A short word for that is inspiration. But inspiration alone is not enough. That is why perhaps I am still stuck in life, because I had just stopped with inspiration, with not enough hard work.

I love exploring new things, new places, and making new friends. Unfortunately, I don't have enough opportunities nor time to pursue this. Or perhaps, I've let too many opportunities pass me by.

I believe in God but I'm not the religious type. I cannot boast about my faith being very strong, but it's there. I believe in Him and I trust Him that He will never leave me and that He will provide my needs. I also believe that He has already prepared my destiny and that He will take me there someday.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Learnings for today

Today, I learned that:

- Even if you have no experience, you can always learn through experience. Doesn't make sense but I just practically learned this today. Don't let the lack of experience hinder you from learning new things. Experience them as much as possible. Endless possibilities await.

- Humility, patience, and wisdom are still the best tools to revenge *wink wink*. Being a bitch doesn't help. It only makes things worse, makes you feel bad inside, and would just incite atrocity from others.

- Even if I have declared that I have lost faith, there is still that little voice inside me that doesn't want to give it up. I guess it's there for everyone. I am glad the little voice was able to speak to me again. I can hear it once again. It was muffled by all my negative emotions. But a release of those emotions last night and this morning really helped clear the clouds inside my heart.

Thank you, God. I can hear you once again.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Goodbye to you my friend


December 2004. It was our Christmas party. One person was missing: Carmelle Garces, who was confined to the hospital due to her illness. As we were all preparing to go home, my classmate Tonio suddenly approached me and gave me a drawing. He told me it was from Carmelle. Immediately, tears sprung from my eyes. 

I had been badgering her to give me a drawing even though she insisted many times that she can't draw. I still insisted because I wanted to have a remembrance from everybody and I told her that anyone can draw. 

I cried because even in her condition, she was still very thoughtful and kept her promise to give me a drawing. And like a domino effect, my other classmates were crying with me until almost everyone in class was crying. We were crying because she had been absent from school for many days already and we were all worried because she had been battling this illness for quite some time.

She was one of my close friends in high school who would patiently listen to me. And everyone loved her because of her funny yet innocent remarks. She was often my seatmate during rearrangements because both our family names start with "G", and whenever I'm with her, I feel really comfortable and at ease. As I always think to my self, she is one of my favorite classmates. 

January 2013. I received the news that she had already taken her eternal repose. It had been years since I last saw her. It now feels painful, awful, and sad. But I'm quite relieved that she doesn't have to continue the fight and suffer anymore.

As I look back on this drawing, I can't help but be glad that I badgered her in giving this to me. But even without this, she will remain in my heart and in my mind forever. I'm crying once more as I look at this drawing and writing this post which I am dedicating for her.

I'll miss her. I'll truly miss her. I wish I had replied more to her texts. But now, I pray for her soul to be happy there in heaven now. I hope God will take good care of her in heaven. I'm sure she will be a beautiful and funny angel there.   

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Bizarre Dream

Today, I had a very bizarre dream. It went along like this:


I was chasing someone and I got hit something big and solid. I fell to the ground. I tried to get up but I could no longer do it. Suddenly I am watching my family members and friends become sad about my death. I tried to touch them. Yes, I could touch them. But they could not see me, nor feel me. I tried talking to them, but they had no reaction. Suddenly I was hit by a sudden realization. I only lived for 24 years...and that is all of it. I watched sadly at my neighbors and friends while thinking that they still all have a chance to grow old and live for more than the 24 years I've lived. And the dream shifted to another one.

This dream left me a feeling of total sadness and at the same time, relief and happiness. I was happy because it was all just a dream and I am alive, yes really alive! I could touch and talk to my loved ones again. It made me feel sad and afraid because I thought my life ended just that. It felt incomplete. I lived almost all my life trying to work hard and even harder. But I didn't really live my life as it deserves to be lived. That's why I'm glad that I was given another day to grow old and experience life.

I truly regret the careless times I said "I want to die already" every time I feel life is too hard on me. I didn't even realize that I'm luckier than other people who are struggling to live another day. This dream was literally an eye-opener for me (and I'm glad it did!). I just hope that in this new year, I can gradually live my life, fulfill my purpose, serve others, achieve the dreams of my soul, travel to new places, give more love to my loved ones and most of all give thanks to God for each and every single day he blesses me with.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Thank you 2012

This past 2012 was filled with so much ruckus. I had been up, but most of the times I had been down. Well, emotionally anyway. I just hope this new year will bring me more cheer than I could expect so that I won't be able to say that this condition I'm having right now is already the default style intended for my life.

Anyway, here are a few trinkets I've been able to obtain this past year which brought me little smiles on my day.


Thank you Honey!

 Thank you Candice!

 Thank you Yann!

Thank you Ate Maritess!


Thank you Coleen!

 Thank you Prizee! 

Thank you RAFI!

Thank you Laser Team!

Thank you InfoDev Team!

Thank you InfoDev Team!

Thank you Aldex and SW Help Team!

Thank you Coleen!

Thank you Sharon!

Thank you Jerus!

Thank you Sharon!

Thank you Ate Mel!

Thank you Ayreen!


Thank you Shine!

Thank you Berns and Mommy Gems!

Thank you Loretta!

Thank you HUB!

Thank you Glaiza!



Friday, December 28, 2012

Quotes about life

Need I say more? =)


I guess it still relates to one of my favorite quotes from Coelho.


I SHOULD do this.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Quote For the Day: The Adventures of Tintin

I just finished watching the Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, and this quote just simply stuck on me so I just wanna share it with everyone. :)
Failed. There are plenty of others willing to call you a failure. A fool. A loser. A hopeless souse. Don’t you ever say it of yourself. You send out the wrong signal, that is what people pick up. Don’t you understand? You care about something, you fight for it. You hit a wall, you push through it. There’s something you need to know about failure, Tintin. You can never let it defeat you.
- Captain Haddock (The Adventures of Tintin)


Saturday, June 2, 2012

Freebies for today

I just got back from the wedding of my officemate. Of course, there was free food and free fun. At the end of the ceremony, I got this nifty handmade giveaway. :)


After that, I went to the mall to look around at the items for sale. As I was going out, I bumped into this little promotional thing of the mall and in return I got a Martin Nievera CD and 3 Timezone passes. I'm not really a Martin fan but hey, it's still free so I was happy.



Starting from now on, I want to be thankful for even the little things I receive in life. Especially if they are free. ;)

Count your blessings. Not your problems.


Thursday, May 31, 2012

Are You Cebuano Enough?

So you have this "I ♥ Cebu" tee. You've eaten dried mangoes and visited the Magellan's Cross a million times. But did you know in exactly which places in Cebu you can see Rizal's clothings or the original KKK flag? Perhaps you did. But for me, I've only learned it last May 25, 2012.

My journey for the Gabii sa Kabilin started at around 7:00 PM due to some work in the office that just can't be left behind. (I hope next year they can do it in a weekend so I can have more time, but oh well.) I met up with three of my friends and we started out in the museum at the University of San Carlos. It was astonishing to see some Japanese ceramic displays as well  as preserved animals and ancient gadgets such as the spear, bolos, bows and arrows. It was also my first time to see a burial jar which I've only seen in text books.

After that, we had to ride a jeep going to the Cathedral church since there was no bus for us to ride. We had to walk a bit under the rain in going to the Cathedral museum since the jeepney driver said they can't go in further since the road was blocked. 

Upon seeing the museum and the Cathedral church in dim lights, the whole place seemed magical and almost like a free teleport ride to the historical times. With a traditional percussion band playing in the background, the historical ambiance was complete.



We went inside and saw ancient statues of saints but couldn't take take pictures since we were informed beforehand that it's not allowed. Perhaps it will ruin the statues. After the tour in the Cathedral museum, we moved on to the USPF museum.

What greeted us were three beautiful ladies in long gowns. We went further inside the museum and saw the original KKK flag. We were allowed to take a pic as long as we turned off the flash.


Further on, the ambiance was really merry as we saw people sitting and facing the stage with some cultural dancers. It was a really lively performance and again, I felt I was teleported back to a time when people enjoyed performances such as these during barrio fiestas instead of  those noisy and wild concerts.


We then went inside the Rizaliana museum where we saw some remnants of Rizal's clothings, as well as letters to Rizal from Josephine Bracken. After a while, we just went out since the guard suddenly asked us if we were already done. We then felt quite lost since we dunno where to go next. Fortunately, the people assigned there were very accommodating and very helpful in giving us directions towards Parian, which was just very near. Honestly, I'm not all too familiar in the Cebu City routes.

As we were nearing Parian, the atmosphere was lively since there were so many people. They were listening to someone explaining the history of the place. We then approached this big obelisk at the center of the road and came up on this QR code with some trivia about Colon street. I personally think that this is a good innovation on learning more about the historical sites of Cebu especially with the growing trend of smart phones and tablets.


We passed by the gigantic Heritage of Cebu Monument and then proceeded to the Yap Sandiego ancestral house. 



I was both amazed and in awe as I saw this really old house which is around 300 years old. I never thought I could actually see such a well-preserved antique house still standing amidst the fast-paced development of Cebu. We went inside and it was both exhilarating and exciting to step on the creaking stairs and wooden floors, with ushers dressed in traditional Filipino costumes. We were even greeted by Ofelia Sandiego who made us feel welcome in this house. There were even song and dance performances being done inside and outside the house.


We were fortunate enough to see two of the Sandiego dancers doing a fiery fire dance. It was my first time to see an actual dance and it was simply mesmerizing.


Since we were already running out of time, we decided to end our journey with a tartanilla ride. Again, another first time for me. It was exciting and it felt really good that for a change I was riding a tartanilla instead of a jeepney on an almost deserted street, with the air so cold. The ride was quite a bit short but it was still worth it. I just felt pity when I saw some horses with foams of saliva forming in their mouths. Perhaps they were too thirsty after a long day, I wouldn't know. 

Yes six hours was just really too short considering all the traveling that needs to be done during museum hopping. So next year, most probably I'll target those places I wasn't able to visit this year and plan my route very well. More places, more time, more fun. I'm expecting these things in the next year of the Gabii sa Kabilin.

Nevertheless, the whole experience made me feel more proud that I am a Cebuano. I think that living in this beautiful island will never be complete unless I am able to explore its beautiful history and heritage. I am thankful for all the people who are dedicated in preserving these ancestral inheritance for the future generations to see. I think that this makes one feel more worthy to wear the " Cebu" tee.

This is an official entry to the 2012 Gabii sa Kabilin Blogging Contest.













Saturday, April 21, 2012

My Bucket List

These are the things I plan to achieve before I leave this world.

Written on 04/21/12:
  • Work in Disney Pixar
  • Meet Paulo Coelho
  • Go to Japan
    • Akihabara, Tokyo (03/26/14)
    • Universal Studios Japan (03/26/14)
    • Huis Ten Bosch, Nagasaki, Japan: One Piece (03/26/14)
  • Write (and illustrate?) a popular book
  • Be a millionnaire
  • Buy a Jollibee franchise
  • Dance in Sinulog
  • Perform in a theatre
  • Have my own house and land
  • Have a very big land where I can build my own farm, with so many fruits, vegetables and animals
  • Be an animal advocate / Member of PAWS
  • Donate to a charity/charities (orphans, disabled, old people, animals)
  • Go to Disneyland
  • Travel to magnificent places
  • Save a life / lives
  • Dance a lot
5/2/12
  • Be a veterinarian or at least have a vet friend
  • Join a cool flash mob
  • Have a Cintiq, Macbook Air, iMac
7/21/12
  • Have my own art studio 
11/15/12
  • Visit the Jon Bon Jovi Soul Kitchen and donate
8/27/13
  • Have at least one signed "true first edition" book
  • Travel outside Cebu City alone
  • Travel outside Cebu alone
2/13/14
  • Represent the Philippines and be damn proud and happy about it.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Quotes from The Alchemist

Another book which had truly inspired me is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. So here are a few lines I loved from the book.
  • Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure. You've got to find the treasure, so that everything you have learned along the way can make sense.
  • Everyone has his or her own way of learning things.
  • If bad things are coming, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur.
  • When you are in love, things make even more sense.
  • To die tomorrow was no worse than dying on any other day. Every day was there to be lived or to mark one's departure from this world.
  • It's not what enters men's mouths that's evil. It's what comes out of their mouths that is.
  • One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving.
  • There is only one way to learn. It's through action.
  • Even if you pretend not to have heard what your heart tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world.
  • The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity.
  • All people who are happy have God within them.
  • Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits them.
  • Most people see the world as a threatening place, and because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.
  • Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victors being severely tested.
  • When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.
  • When something evolves, everything around that thing evolves as well.
  • Don't give in to your fears. If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart.
  • There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.
  • Death doesn't change anything.
  • When you are loved, you can do anything in creation. When you are loved, there's no need at all to understand what's happening, because everything happens within you.
  • When we love, we always strive to become better than we are.
  • Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.
  • No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it.
  • No project is completed until its objective has been achieved.
  • What good is money to you if you're going to die? It's not often that money can save someone's life.
  • Life is generous to those who pursue their Personal Legend.

By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept quotes

Paulo Coelho is one of my most favorite authors and the book "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" is my favorite among his works. So here are my favorites lines from this book:

  • You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.
  • Every person on earth has a gift. In some, the gift manifests itself spontaneously; others have to work to discover what it is.
  • We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.
  • It's not necessary to move mountains in order to prove one's faith.
  • Love perseveres. It's men who change.
  • Truth resides where there is faith.
  • Dreams mean work.
  • We are our own greatest surprise.
  • Sometimes if you think you know something, you do wind up understanding it.
  • I will not talk to my own darkness anymore. A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.
  • When we look for love courageously, it reveals itself, and we wind up attracting even more love. If one person really wants us, everyone does. But if we are alone, we become even more alone. Life is strange.
  • Only a man who is happy can create happiness in others.
  • A divided kingdom cannot defend itself from its adversaries. A divided person cannot face life in a dignified way.
  • Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
  • All wisdom was the result of listening to one's own soul.
  • For years, I had fought against my heart, because I was afraid of sadness, suffering, and abandonment. But now I knew that it would be better to die than to fail to love.
  • Even if loving meant leaving, or solitude, or sorrow, love was worth every penny of its price.
  • Life takes us by surprise and order us to move toward the unknown - even when we don't want to and when we think we don't need to.
  • Love always causes stupidity.
  • If one can dominate the body, one can dominate the spirit.
  • The closer we get to God through our faith, the simpler He becomes. And the simpler He becomes, the greater is His presence.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Customizing notification tones in Galaxy Y

Switching from the traditional layout of cellphone with keypads and a screen to a touchscreen Android phone indeed put me in quite a struggling transition. What used to be an easy step in changing an SMS notification tone became quite a challenge for me in Android. Anyway here is how I managed to do it.


1) Using your phone that's connected to Wi-Fi, download the ringtone of your choice. Usually I get my tones in http://www.zedge.net/ or I create my own customized tones using the Ringtone Maker app in Android.
2) In your phone, go to My files > download and then locate your downloaded tone.
3) Press and hold the filename of your tone until the pop-up menu appears.
4) Press Move.
5) Choose Sounds > Notifications.
6) Once inside the Notifications folder, press Move here.


To see if your new tone has been incorporated in the list of default tones:
1) Go to Settings > Sound > Notification ringtone.
Normally, you would find your new tone there.


To separate notification tones from SMS tones, I use the Go SMS Pro app in Android and I change my SMS notification tones there.